The Contentment of Being

Is it forward or technically backward?

My husband and I started our journey in 2011. We met at a party through mutual friends. I was a freshman in college and working through some stuff. He had a new child and was going through some stuff as well. (This may or may not be revisited). The odds were stacked against us a the beginning all from life, friends, and parents; but we started talking. Talking turned into dating. Dating turned to engaged, then married. Even though we had the odds against us, we made it through. One of my husband’s biggest selling points is honesty. 1. He can’t lie for shit or catches himself in it. 2. When we were talking it wasn’t bull shit that came out. It was and is a nice change of pace from the world we live in. I always tell everyone the reason why I married my husband is he is the only person in the world I can stand for more than 3 days. Most of the time we know what we need before we have to say it; whether it is space or cuddling or just time for us.

Marriage hasn’t been or will be the easiest. You made a commitment with your spouse to go through the thick and thin of life together. Some days we are in a nice groove then everything can change to us getting into a bickering match over who left the vacuum cord unwrapped. (It was not me, I leave it loosely wrapped on the pole not the cord on the floor.) Relationships can also have ruts where it is almost like you are just roommates who barely see each other. Marriages have phases and you have to be willing to work them to a phase you like. You are choosing to battle through the crazy with someone in the passenger seat for life. To be with the person you want to call when you are feeling any emotion. The person you want to tell your good news to first. The person whose hugs make everything go away.

I cannot tell you the tricks to any marriage. I have only been married 5 years myself. I can tell you what I have been told from other people.

1. Take Date Nights. You and your spouse were here before your kids and once your kids leave it will be just you and your spouse. It does not have to be expensive as long as you have you time.

2. Listen. When you are talking, having a serious conversation, or even arguing. Take the time to listen when your spouse is talking, not just listening to respond.

3. Take the time. Whether it is 5 minutes or 5 hours take the time to do something your spouse wants you to do even if you think it is stupid. If your spouse wants to dance in the kitchen while you are cooking….dance.

4. Trust. Spouses can break your trust at some point. If you are willing to forgive you have to actually forgive and not hold it over his or her head years later. Wipe the slate clean if you can. This may not be done overnight but you have to consciously make the decision to move on or your relationship won’t.

5. Communicate. My husband will tell you I probably over communicate, over think, over analyze, and over share. I however know if I don’t I tend to have part of a conversation in my head then only share the second half. Or my husband is explaining something and I am not visualizing the picture he is trying to paint. Take the time and talk it out and work through it. We have now worked to the point that when putting things together I read the instructions and he puts the pieces together.

I am not saying every marriage is meant to be or meant to survive. I am saying every marriage is its own individual set of challenges that you are meant to work through. It is a journey you are going through with a partner and some journeys last longer than others. I know my journey has just barely started and my husband is stuck with me for the foreseeable future.

Here is to post 2, further than I thought my blog would go. Now where to go for 3.

I have been throwing around the idea of a blog for some time, but had a million questions. Could it be…. recipes, life, family, meal planning, journal-esque, parenting, personal development, etc? Why not all of the topics? Where do I start? What if I fail? Are there a million blogs like this? Who is going to read this? Is it just for me or will I share? My inner dialog. I am still unsure on whether or not I will share it, but here I am.

I am….

Rebecca. Married. A mother to 2 beautiful boys (there will be another post about family). A pet owner. A food enthusiast. A journaler. A friend. A mentor. A teacher. A number lover. An overthinker. A lister. A pen admirer. A researcher. A reader. Analytical. A thinker. An introvert. A questioner. The list could go on for days, but more will come down the road.

Here is to post #1 and hopefully many more.